Coaching through Emotions

Managing and developing adults requires strong emotional intelligence and relationship-building skills. You will be working alongside diverse personalities, learning how individuals best communicate and receive or share feedback. If you are serving as a manager or an instructional coach tasked with the responsibility of developing staff members, it is important to remind yourself that management or coaching techniques will not necessarily have the same effect or yield the same results with all staff. You most certainly will need to differentiate your approach based on the individual you are working with. Also keep in mind that managing your own emotional constancy, when managing or coaching someone with big emotions, will be essential.

In the education world, teachers and administrators often face a range of emotions across the year such as stress, anxiety, general frustration, or feelings of ‘burn-out’. Big emotions tend to bubble to the surface in these spaces for various reasons, such as realizing the differences between expectations and reality, facing unexpected difficulties in their work, grappling with lower-than-anticipated outcomes, and navigating disagreement with leadership, colleagues, students, and families. New teachers often enter the profession straight from college and may not have previously experienced the challenges faced in the classroom or may not have needed to meet such high expectations on a day-to-day basis.

Developing one’s emotional intelligence is a critical requirement for any management or coaching position. While approach may vary depending on the individual and their needs, there are four steps we often follow to ensure that staff members are heard and supported through big emotions and challenging times in their work, especially within their first year in the classroom or school building.

Listen

It is the responsibility of the manager and/or coach to actively listen to the people they work with. To be able to listen, there must be a foundational relationship built, one that is based on shared vision and mutual respect. There must be space made either during or outside of formal meetings to hear how staff members are progressing in their work, and how they are doing more generally. There must also be opportunities for staff to provide upward feedback; we typically recommend seeking this feedback at least twice per year.

Validate Feelings

One big mistake made, in any relationship, is not communicating that the other person’s feelings are valid. Regardless of your viewpoint and whether you see things the same way, we must respect and seek to understand the feelings of others. Once feelings are shared and explored, conversation can shift to seeking solutions.

Offer Alternative Perspectives

Managers and coaches often need to offer an alternative perspective, particularly when navigating team conflict or disagreement, or when working with an individual presenting low confidence or self-doubt. It helps to provide a different perspective on things for others to consider, though this should not be intended to discredit or invalidate the feelings your team member is experiencing.

Get Back on Course

Ensure your conversations close with commitments from both sides and some redirection toward your shared vision and goals. Revisiting vision and goals will help the individual get back on course and hopefully help shift mindsets for more positive outcomes.

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